Know a small child that you really, really hate? Want to psychologically scar them for life? Well now you can, with BooBuddy the ghost-detecting teddy bear.
BooBuddy looks like a normal bear, but he can detect motion, sounds, and changes in electro-magnetic fields and temperature. And when he does, lights in his paws and tummy start flashing and he starts TALKING TO THE GHOST.
As the BooBuddy website tells us, "Kids will love it, but this is NOT a toy". So there's absolutely no chance a child will ever end up with one of these things in their bedroom, right? There's no way any typical grandparent out there will see this and say, 'Oh look, it's that Charlie Bear thing that little Billy likes, and it has nice flashing lights and sings Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Let's buy it for him.'
Or you might buy it for little Billy because he rode his tricycle through your roses.
Because only a complete idiot would mistake THIS for a toy. |
It's 2a.m. Billy is sleeping peacefully when he is suddenly awoken by BooBuddy, whose stomach is flashing bright green and his paws are red, stigmata-style. BooBuddy starts speaking one of these totally-not-terrifying phrases:
If you want to attract more ghosts to Billy's bedroom, BooBuddy also has just the phrase to help:‘Did you make it cold in here?’‘What was that, could you please say it again’‘ha ha ha BooBuddy is ticklish’‘Do you want to be my friend?’‘Can you make a noise for me?’‘Would you like to sing with me? Twinkle, Twinkle little star...’‘Is this your house?’‘Can you make it colder for me?’‘What colour is the light in my tummy?’‘What? Did you just say something? Say it again.’
When little Billy finally stops screaming several hours later, he should have Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and a terrifying lifelong phobia of stuffed animals that causes him to shit his pants in toy shops, even as an adult. Job done.‘Do you have more friends we can play with?’
This scientifical wonder will set you back a mere $100-150.
Even in an age when the phrase 'jumping the shark' has long jumped its own shark, it is safe to say that the paranormal industry is jumping the mechashark with gadgets like this. 'Jumping the shark' of course refers to an episode in the 5th season of 'Happy Days', in which the Fonz ski-jumps over a shark and people started thinking, 'this show is getting stupid', and it was all downhill after that. In fact, the only way the paranormal industry could jump the shark any more is by producing a 'Fonz Shark Jump' Ghost Detector. Meta.
The Fonz detects ghosts and tells them to 'sit on it'.* |
Next up... BombBuddy. "Kids will love it, but this is NOT a toy. BombBuddy has 2kg of Semtex in his head."
* For people under the age of 40, this is a historical quote.